Official Shagbrai Webpage

“I’ve always wanted to ride RAGBRAI!”, said Mother Mary one day a couple of years ago. Knowing her lack of athletic and camping inclinations, most people ignored her pronouncement as attributable to some sort of new asthma medication. Unfazed, however, she started to gain interest from others to join in her spandex pilgrimage across Iowa. That day, unbeknownst to even those who would one day claim the name with undying pride, TEAM SHAGBRAI was born.

Oh, it wasn’t TEAM SHAGBRAI then — in fact, there wasn’t actually any name for the team because there wasn’t actually any team yet. But with tireless devotion, Mother Mary worked to build a team of those she loved and those who would be willing to shell out the cash to help those she loved pay for a van for the week.

RAGBRAI XXVII started in Rock Rapids in 1999 and would become known as the hottest and hardest of all RAGBRAI’s. Temperatures were approaching the 157 degree mark when we arrived on Saturday for a day of sweat and beer. Our team mentor for that ride, and all rides, was Pink Floyd — they, the legends of RAGBRAI. By midnight on that night, before we had ridden a single mile, we were hooked. The Team name was born that day on a roll of butcher paper that would get taped to the sides of our rented vans with the perfection of a skilled drunken craftsman.

Who was that first TEAM SHAGBRAI? Mother Mary was there, and her faithful husband, Fat Daddy, who wanted nothing to do with this crazy event called RAGBRAI. “What? Waste a perfectly good week of vacation in Iowa? I LIVE in Iowa — let’s go somewhere fun!” As usual, his spine buckled and the decision was made. Short Daddy was there…and the Breeze. Don’t forget Mary’s sister Lisa and a good friend Leftie. In addition, Pork Chop was enlisted to watch over his two sisters and put up their tent and haul their bags and tend to their bicycles and comfort their sorry wussy asses when the weather got hot and the ground was dewey and the rain came and the showers were “grodie” and the kybos were a bit stanky and the air was muggy and the mosquitos were buggy and their chains were greasy and….well, I digress. Needless to say, Pork Chop was the key to Team Shagbrai’s initial survival.

Dark Belly and two of her kinfolk were there. Finally, the Chicago faction of Shagbrai was present with Rupp, his wife, the Radclaw family, and a couple of others who have chosen to remain nameless to protect themselves in the event of any future aspirations to political office. 16 all together — about two days into our adventure we all realized that 16 is far too large a number for a first attempt at RAGBRAI. The teams essentially split into two factions — one with biking skills, camping skills, a dedicated and trustworthy (although often drunken) driver….the other with none of that plus a tremendous desire for Cuervo. Our trip consisted of drivers racing ahead to the overnight towns to find the one tree in the fairground/schoolyard/park to pitch our tents under and then racing back to try to meet the team at some town for many beers.

All in all it worked very well, but it made for hot, tired, and grumpy drivers. The unbelievable heat continued throughout the week and made for many opportunities for people to quit riding and want to drive and to do just about anything to sleep inside. In fact, I thought Lisa and the Breeze were going to sell themselves, if necessary, in a little cafe outside Manchester for a cold bed and a roof over their heads. Thankfully, Grandpa Gravel wouldn’t take payment in the carnal form and we made out just fine using traditional currency.

The 9:00 am Cuervo shot was born on that first ride…in Melvin. So was the signature cock and balls symbol that says TEAM SHAGBRAI the world over. Ahh, Melvin, to this day we look back with a tear in our eye to what we could have become instead of this ragtag bunch of worthless drunken losers. Ah well…

In general, that first RAGBRAI gave us the understanding not of what RAGBRAI was, but what it could be. This knowledge was saved and stored and finally released into action on SHAGBRAI II, Electric Boogaloo.

Starting in Council Bluffs, we were geared up for a trip across the heart of Iowa and hoping for better weather. With our numbers significantly dwindled due to the factioning of the team, the general wussiness of Lisa and the impending birth of Fat Baby, TEAM SHAGBRAI’s six members prepared for the trip by partying all day with Team Pink Floyd on Saturday — God knows that waiting until Sunday would have just not left us enough time for fun.

Utilizing the newly introduced Team Shagbrai Rules as a template for success, The Breeze, Leftie, Dark Belly, Pork Chop, Short Daddy and Fat Daddy, made the Register’s route our bitch for four nonstop days of riding, sliding, licking, sticking, Cuervo and body shots. Harlan, Greenfield, Ankeny and Knoxville were all much fun as were many many many towns in between. Towns meriting special mention include, Neola, Shelby, Elkhorn, Fontanelle (5 stars), Stuart, Redfield, Adel, Mitchellville, and Newton.

It is easy to say that Dark Belly’s experiment with girl love in Greenfield was clearly the highlight and turning point of the week. Her exploits, while her female teammates lie asleep in their wussy tents, laid the basis for a week of cheap and tawdry drunken mayhem. After that moment, body shots and beer slides were no longer “risque” — they were the norm. When coupled with the shameless “sticker application as pick up line” techniques of Pork Chop and Short Daddy, we had truly become a team to reckon with.

To say anymore would be a poor attempt at chronicling TEAM SHAGBRAI’s exploits and would risk the opportunity for our memories to remain undocumented and, therefore, indisputable, and, therefore, open to future enhancement and embellishment for personal gain at parties. This is our story…all the news we are willing to print. Find us sometime and become part of our unofficial team history. We are easy to find. Go to a town about 20 miles away in the morning and wait until about 9:30 a.m. You will see us — Team Cuervo…Team Shagbrai…Join us for a shot!

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